All My Love Alec Brock (Alec Brock Series Book 1) Read online

  All My Love, Alec Brock

  Alec Brock Series, Book 1

  Copyright © 2020, 2021 by Larissa Lopes

  www.alecbrockseries.com

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without written permission of the copyright owner, except for the use of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, businesses, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Content Warning: The Alec Brock Series was intended for readers aged 13 and up, and contains mild profanity, some underage drinking, and sexual situations (no nudity). It also presents the realities of living and coping with a mental health condition (such as anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorders, depression, suicide risk, and PTSD).

  Second Edition: April 2021

  ISBN: 978-2-9576115-0-8

  Editing: Arielle Bailey and Cheryl Wanner

  Cover images: © iordani/Shutterstock (photo),

  © RemarkEliza/Shutterstock (guitar)

  Larissa Lopes - Dijon, France

  Dépôt légal - Avril 2021

  Loi n°49-956 du 16 juillet 1949 sur les publications destinées à la jeunesse - Avril 2021

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Saturday, October 11

  Sunday, October 12

  Monday, October 13

  Tuesday, October 14

  Wednesday, October 15

  Thursday, October 16

  Friday, October 17

  Saturday, October 18

  Sunday, October 19

  Monday, October 20

  Tuesday, October 21

  Wednesday, October 22

  Thursday, October 23

  Friday, October 24

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Saturday, October 25

  Are you ready for the TRUTH?

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Alec Brock Series

  To the seventeen-year-old me,

  for having the courage to stick around and face this Wave

  Prologue

  To the seventeen-year-old me,

  for having the courage to stick around and face this Wave

  “She does deserve it…” He read the words on my laptop, planting a kiss on top of my head. “She was the strongest seventeen-year-old I’ve ever met.”

  I smiled up at him from my chair. “I wish the thirty-one-year-old me was that brave.”

  “Are you still hesitating? I thought you’d made your decision.”

  “I’m afraid I went too far with this… I’m exposing too much of us in the story.”

  “Baby, you’re publishing it as fiction; nobody will know that it’s more like a memoir.”

  “But they might end up putting two and two together! You know how the media is… What if they bring back the scandal from 2003?”

  “You can say that’s what inspired you to write the novel! There’s no way for them to know how much of the story is real. No one can tell, apart from us—the three of us.”

  His words fed the anxiety circulating in my veins. “How do you think he will react?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, his eyes serious. “But if you feel like this is something you have to do, you shouldn’t be worried about his opinion. You’re telling your story, not his. You have all the rights to own it and to share it with whomever you want.”

  I took a deep breath, glancing back at the screen. “Aren’t you worried about what people will say? How this might affect you?”

  “No… I’m sorry if I wasn’t as supportive in the beginning. I was never worried about what people would say about me; I was just afraid you would get confused about your feelings for him again.”

  “You know I would never—”

  “I know.” He caught my hand in his, then pressed my palm to his lips. “That’s why I’m telling you: if sharing this with the world makes you happy, then that’s all I care about.”

  Honesty blazed in his eyes. The same eyes I’d been crazy about for the past sixteen years.

  I loved him. With all my heart.

  Our story was…messy. And dark. And painful.

  But it was so real. It was our story.

  People tend not to tell others about their darkest battles. They think it might make them look weak or whatever. But if no one shares those kinds of stories, how are we supposed to learn to fight the darkness? How do we teach our kids to stay strong?

  I brought my hand to my stomach. I knew I had to do it.

  My world had been wrecked when I was seventeen. But if that girl was strong enough to survive and rebuild it, I had to be brave enough to share her story.

  “Babe? What is it?” He lowered himself to his knees, hopeful. “Are you feeling anything? Do you think you might be—”

  “No,” I lied, holding back a smile. “But let’s do it. Let’s publish it.”

  One

  I’d never met Alec Brock, but nothing felt more real in my sixteen years of existence than the insane, breathtaking, overwhelming feeling of loving him—of being loved by him. Since the first time we’d talked in that chat room online, I knew there was something special about the guy, something I hadn’t found in the physical world yet.

  Falling in love with him felt as natural as breathing. And I know it’s hard to believe, but it had nothing to do with who he was.

  No—I’d never given much thought to that. He wasn’t that famous when we met, and even when things got out of control, I couldn’t have cared less about that side of him.

  I loved Alec because he could access a part of me that no one else could. It was like we both spoke this weird forgotten language that only we could understand, and every time we talked to each other, we were transported to this private little world where I wanted to live forever.

  I’d never felt so connected to anyone before—so exposed, so understood. And for the first time in my life, someone seemed to feel the same way about me.

  His love came wrapped in the day-to-day pain of being miles apart, of wishing I knew the taste of his lips, of hoping this wait wouldn’t last much longer. But I had lived the past year above the clouds, knowing Alec loved me as much as I loved him. That’s why I promised myself I wouldn’t rest until I had him in my arms, even if for that, I had to let go of everything else.

  “Are you sure, honey?” Mom yelled from the other side of the living room, covering the telephone with her palm. “Your father is at the school, but he hasn’t signed anything yet, in case you—”

  “I’m sure,” I said without breathing.

  “Ouch, Linda!” Nina sat next to me on the couch, a big bowl of popcorn in her hands. “You could at least pretend you’re going to miss us in L
A.”

  I wanted to answer her—and to pay attention to my parents’ conversation. But my heart was too loud; I couldn’t think straight anymore.

  There are only a few occasions in a lifetime when we can tell the exact moment the trajectory of our lives is taking a different direction. And I swear that the second I heard Mom’s words, I felt something shift inside of me.

  “All right, Miss González, you’re officially registered. Joel said you need to be there for new student orientation on August 15.” Mom fell onto the couch, then locked me in her arms. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving me for your father, baby. You’re not even that close to him—why can’t you just stay here with me?”

  I hugged her tight but didn’t say anything. Now that the decision had been made, I didn’t want to keep lying anymore. But I wasn’t ready to tell her the truth yet.

  She leaned back to look at me, and it broke my heart to see her watery eyes. “Mom, please. We’ve already talked about it.”

  “I know, honey. I want you to go. I want you to do something big with your life.” Her gaze dropped to the coffee table, and she reached out for the white teddy bear staring at us. “I’d rather watch you following in your father’s footsteps than stuck in this small town like me,” she said to Mr. Bear, her voice almost inaudible.

  “Mom—” I started but couldn’t continue. I didn’t want her to think I was going to LA because my life in West Virginia wasn’t enough. I wanted to tell her how hard it would be for me to leave her, to let go of everything I knew, to spend my last year of high school without Nina. But I couldn’t explain it without telling the truth, and this wasn’t the right moment for that. Not yet.

  One day she will know. One day she’ll understand.

  Mom didn’t ask me to finish my sentence. I guess somehow she knew what I wanted to say. She just smiled, putting Mr. Bear on my lap, then took a handful of popcorn from Nina’s bowl.

  Right there—watching her eat, distracted by the TV––that’s when I realized how terribly I would miss her next year.

  “I wish I could stay and watch the show with you girls, but I have to go back to my shift at the restaurant.” Mom got up without taking her eyes off the television. “You know what, Linda? Maybe now that you’re going to LA, you might have a chance to see this Alec Brock—”

  Nina choked on the popcorn.

  “You don’t miss one TV show with this kid… Maybe your father can take you to his concert!”

  I smiled genuinely. “Sure, Mom. I would love that.”

  But she wasn’t paying attention anymore, her worried eyes focusing on Nina, who was still coughing. “Are you okay, sweetie?”

  “Yes, Ms. D,” Nina answered in a serious voice, after meeting my cold gaze.

  “Okay, then. Don’t stay up too late!” Mom grabbed her bag and the car keys, then blew us a kiss.

  “This is so wrong! You really should tell them why you’re going to LA,” Nina said as soon as the front door closed. “It’s not like it will be a secret forever; they will find out anyway.”

  “I’ve already told you, Nina. I don’t want them to form any misconceptions about him. To start judging him just because he’s famous, before they actually have the chance to talk. If I tell them I’m dating a pop star, they will never see him as the Alec I know. The guy who texts me at lunch to check if I’m eating my vegetables. The guy who shipped ice cream to my house the whole weekend when I had my wisdom teeth removed, remember?” I grinned, hugging Mr. Bear—another surprise Alec had sent me in the mail.

  “I get it, okay? He’s more than a pretty face and everything. But I still think you should at least give them a heads-up. It will be quite a shock, don’t you think?”

  “That’s exactly why I think it’s better if I introduce Alec to them in person, instead of just saying who he is.”

  “Well, if that’s what you want… By the way, aren’t you gonna tell him? I thought you would space out texting the moment your mom said the word official.”

  I’d been dying to talk to Alec about this for weeks! He had no idea I was coming to LA; I wanted to be a hundred percent sure before breaking the news to him. But now was definitely not the best timing.

  “Later. I don’t want to mess up his nerves.” I nodded at the TV, reaching for my cell phone on the coffee table.

  “You’re probably right. He must be super nervous. I mean, it’s Friday night…on national television…live! How many people do you think are watching this right now?” Nina widened her eyes at the screen, slowly putting popcorn into her mouth.

  I froze, feeling the butterflies in my stomach. Every time Alec had a live TV appearance, I would end up being even more nervous than him. That’s why I always asked Nina to come over and watch it with me. It had become a little tradition already, slumber parties whenever Alec was on television.

  Are you okay, babe? I texted him. I knew he was probably freaking out backstage.

  A little nervous, but I’m fine. What about you?

  Butterflies, I confessed.

  Is Nina with you? I don’t like to think that you’re anxious there alone.

  I grinned. She’s here.

  Good, he replied. I wish I could be with you too. Or that you were here with me right now.

  I am! Can’t you feel my good luck kiss?

  He sent a smiley face. You know what I mean…

  I know… I bit my lip, staring at the phone, trying to decide if I should tell him about LA right then or not.

  “Linda?” Nina’s voice caught my attention.

  “What?”

  “You didn’t hear anything I said, did you?”

  “I’m sorry. What did—?” I started to say, but my phone buzzed.

  They are calling me. Are you watching already? I read Alec’s message, feeling Nina’s eyes on me.

  Of course! Good luck, babe! I finished my text with a kissy face, then took the remote control to turn up the volume of the TV.

  Nina was staring in silence, her lips pressed together, hiding a smile.

  “Sorry, Nina.” I felt myself blush. “What were you saying?”

  But before she could answer, my phone buzzed again.

  I love you, Alec had sent.

  I smiled up at the ceiling, my heart completely melting. Not because it was the first time he’d said it, no. But because I’d just realized that pretty soon, I would be watching those words coming out of his mouth.

  Love you too, I wrote, then let my head fall back on the couch, totally forgetting about the rest of the world around me.

  “I guess I officially lost you to him, huh?” Nina said.

  “No.” I laughed, straightening up. “You’re never gonna lose me.”

  She shook her head, suddenly serious. “I can’t believe you’re abandoning me during our senior year…”

  “You know this isn’t going to be easy for me either.” I swallowed, imagining how lonely school would be without Nina.

  “I know.” She sighed.

  We didn’t say anything for a while. We knew it was only June and I wouldn’t move until the middle of August, but we could already feel a painful goodbye tension in the air.

  “Promise you’re going to call every week?”

  “Friday Night Catch-Ups—I’ve already warned my dad and everything,” I said with a smile.

  “And promise you won’t become one of those California snobs?”

  I chuckled. “Promise.”

  “All right.” Nina rolled her eyes, passing me the popcorn. “So what is he wearing today?”

  “He said he chose a gray-checkered shirt with black skinny jeans.” I stuffed a handful of popcorn into my mouth.

  I could picture him in my head already. Alec always rolled up the long sleeves and left the top buttons of his shirt undone to show his necklace.

  “No bandana or hat?” She smirked.

  “Thank God, no.”

  He had come back from the European leg of his tour with all these new head accessories
. I couldn’t say they were bad—because, to be honest, there was nothing Alec couldn’t pull off—but I’d rather have a clear view of his hair. His beautiful, perfectly messy, not long but not short, dark curly hair.

  “And when are you going to tell him the good news? After the show?”

  “I don’t know. I want to make it special, but I have no idea how.”

  Nina went quiet, but a naughty little smile danced on her face.

  “Tell me.” I exhaled. I knew that face very well—somewhere inside her head there was an evil plan coming to life.

  “If I were you, I wouldn’t say anything. I would just appear at his front door in my best lingerie and give him a heart attack.” She laughed.

  I guess she expected me to laugh with her, but I didn’t. Instead, my expression turned serious. “Nina, that’s perfect!”

  “What?” She snickered. “Sorry, I think my sarcasm wasn’t clear enough.”

  Nina kept looking at me with furrowed brows, but I didn’t say a word. My mind was too busy to answer her—I was already planning everything in my head.

  “Hey!” She snapped her fingers near my face. “I was kidding! You don’t appear half-naked in other people’s houses, especially when you are underage.”

  “No, of course I wouldn’t do that.” I giggled. “I was thinking that maybe I can surprise him. It’s the perfect way for us to meet! Imagine how weird it will be if I tell him I’m going. Our very first kiss will end up being an awkward ‘hello’ at the airport! It would be much more special if one of us wasn’t expecting it to happen, don’t you think?”